Sunday, 15 May 2011

Attack of the "Inquisitive Six Year Old Children"

Hmm, parenthood, I didn't read this in the manual. I returned home to a concerned wife (well she was hiding her humorous interpretation of the event under the mask of concern) who remarked that while she was on the phone my son had shown his "friends" my room. Alarm bells began to ring at once. I investigated and found that a furious fire-fight had taken place. Thankfully the "shiny decoys" (GW 40K) had done their job beautifully, soaking up the hits and saving the more valuable, or rather more serious, wargaming toys from collateral damage. After a detailed scan the "body count was":
  • Two "Necron Warriors" down (after the action reports seems to suggest they were taken out by an energetic thumb action, one at the ankles and the other at the midriff, by expertise akin to a Space Marine Veteran)
  • One "Necron Warrior" MIA (transponder not showing up on screen, it could be anywhere in the known universe, possibly abducted by a six year old blue eyed boy and now sitting in a bedroom next to a Power Ranger or Bakuman) 
  • One "Necron Warrior" managed to evade capture and I undertook a successful SAR mission retrieving it from underneath/behind a set of draws
  • Two "Necron Scarabs" were "de-based" from their stands
  • A "Necron Destroyer" suffered the indignity of a broken stand
  • Two "Guant-type" Tyranids were debased cleanly at the ankles 
Despite the protestations of my son saying "he liked them better that way", the superglue made its way from the toy medical kit. All apart from the MIA Necron have been restored to a semblance of their former glory. My wife thought it was "karma" payback on me (she was now giggling at me) for actions to my older brothers Subbuteo figures (when I was aged fifteen months old, some forty plus years ago and the damage was to six teams of the the then, "First Division"). Personally I just hope I can attain a maturity consistent with my age, rising above the obvious hurt and "forgive and forget". The alternative Would be a revenge commando-style sabotage mission on the next "school parent's evening" (aka "taking out" two specific art models from Year One's work; I hope I have sound 'Intell' and they are clearly labelled).

No photos as I found the sight of my dead/mutilated models too distressing, despite their obvious "media copy" value. This episode has renewed my philosophy of distributed series of "model-kit caches" to the vaults of friendly wargaming clubs in the area to avoid a nuclear "lose-it-all" incident. You cannot under estimate the destructive power of six year old boys once they have a taste for it! Thank goodness they were oblivious to the location of my 20mm WWII plastics ;)


Ray Rousell said...

All you can do is think, god what could they have done???!!! the little rays of sunshine!!

Geordie an Exiled FoG said...


Yes Quite (and have I discovered everything?)

David Crook said...

Hi Geordie,

Small children and animals - a winning combination! I still have nightmares about the time Maisy, our black and white longhaired cat jumped up on the workbench and landed on a partially built Turkish dirigible.....

All the best,


Inkub said...

Both my sons - 11 and 5 yo - are taught. DON'T TOUCH Daddy's toys no matter what:) Older is painting himself some 1:72 plastic and he enjoys it quite a bit, younger first reaction to my Vampire Counts army arranged on the table was: I want such soldiers for myself, buy me it NOW.

Geordie an Exiled FoG said...

Hmm, cats ... they think they own you and let you know it in the most annoying ways

I am fighting a delaying action against a kitten and I know it's a losing battle - it is of only a case of when rather than if!

Geordie an Exiled FoG said...


You have little apprentices :)
Well done

The next trauma is when they start beating you on the tabletop, damn their agile, active little minds ;)

Inkub said...

Already happened, with a little handicap ofc, but for weeks later I kept hearing... "Daddy you don't know how to play"... ;)

jmilesr said...

Even worse is when they try to get you to a game with the promise that they'll "go easy on you"

Oh the indignity!!

Sounds like you weathered the first assault well. Prepare well, they'll be back.....

Geordie an Exiled FoG said...

Back, they'll be back ... "Brace for Impact"

Best hide the Spitfire :)

Rosbif said...

I'm SO glad I've got girls who think Daddy's hobby is so BOOOORRRING! (except for the horsies, which I spoil by putting soldiers on them!)

mork6969 said...

My sons (6 and 8) were told "Don`t touch this" and it is the only thing I told them and they follow by the word...The problem starts when friends of them get much to curious about these little nice models....Fortunately no losses until now!
Nice report, indeed :-)

Paul said...

Could be worse Geordie, one of my mates wife thinks its the bee's knee's to superglue odd, spare parts or figures to other models and wait to see if he notices.

At least with kids...well they are kids.

Geordie an Exiled FoG said...

Hmmm, still no sign of that Necron, Warrior I may have to buy another pack!

" ... superglue odd, spare parts or figures to other models ... "


Does he ever forget to pick her up from shopping or does he frequently change the locks to the house (or at least on his room) Paul?

Al said...

mmm, I'm thinking of a boarding school:)

Geordie an Exiled FoG said...


If boarding school equates to being "rolled in a barrel" let it be the medieval kind with spikes in

That Necron is still, still AWOL and I believe it gone to a dark place where unspeakable acts are being performed on it.

Arquinsiel said...

So it's gone home then?

I know this terror well myself. I once, as a tender lad of twelve, hid my Blood Angels army in a wardrobe while staying in my grandmother's house with strict instructions to prevent a cousin who had a reputation for being a little brat getting at them.

Sadly this instruction was misinterpreted, and my grandmother thought I had intended for her to provide said army to said brat and supervise as it was reduced to fragments of red plastic strewn around the entire house.

Nobody was allowed sleep until I was satisfied I had rounded up all parts, which obviously necessitated glueing it all back together.

Obviously, this is why none of us ever quite finish a project. We know someone will do this and we'll just have to fix it.

Geordie an Exiled FoG said...

It's all down to Karma Arquinsiel, who goes around comes around ;)

Your cousin probably fears RED now